Only for the clear minded.

Tired of serious sports news? Well, time to smile for a change. These are a few jokes I've gathered around the net so far. I know there are many more out there so I will update this as often as I can... Got any? please just write away at the comment box on the bottom of the page and your jokes will be inserted automatically.

 

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[Webmaster]

A Sunderland supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.

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Pekerman (argentina's coach) was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

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A van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring witless every Argetina fan he saw walking by the road in their blue and white jerseys. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road.

One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift.

"Where are you off to, Father?" he asked.

"I'm going to give Mass at St Michaels's church - it's aboot 2 miles down the road,".

"No worries," said the driver, "Hop in and I'll give you a lift."

The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a boca junior's fan on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the idiot. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Oh sorry Father, I nearly hit that argenitinian walking down the road there."

"No need to apologise Sonny," replied Father, "I got the bastard with the door!"

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A rather dim fan arrives at a football match midway through the second half.
"What's the score?" he asks his friend as he settles into his seat.
"Nil-nil," comes the reply.
"And what was the score at half-time?" he asks.

'We've got the best football team in the country
unbeaten and no goals scored against us!'
'How many games have you played?'
'The first one's next Saturday.'

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Brazil has a qualifying match against the Argentinians and the boys decide to let Ronaldinho lead the charge alone as they go to a local bar.
The match starts and the boys, beers in hand, toast as Ronaldinho scores in the 7th minute to give razil a 1-0 lead.
The radio is turned off as the boys begin to celebrate and then turned on again a bit later.
They are shocked to find that Argentina has tied the game in the 84th minute.
They race to the stadium to help Dinho win the match and are shocked to find that they are too late -- Argentina has scored in the 90th minute and the game has ended in victory for them 2-1.
They race to the locker-room to find Dinho sitting in front of his locker with his head in his hands sobbing.

"What the hell happened ?" they ask.

"I am really sorry I let you down," Dinho sobs, "I got red carded 2 minutes into the second half!"

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“Man who can make eleven bosom friends and eleven sworn enemies with single word, he football referee”

--

What happens to a footballer who loses his eyesight?
He becomes a referee

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What do you call an Italian in the World Cup Final?
Referee.

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Why do so many Americans play soccer?
So they don't have to watch it on TV.

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What's the difference between Argentina's world cup soccer squad
and a teabag?
A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

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A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as
he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock.
"Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide.
My husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman
hid inside the TV console. The husband came in and plopped down
in his favourite chair to watch some football. Inside the TV,
the repairman was all squashed up and getting hotter and hotter.
Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out, marched
across the room and out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked
back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send
that guy off the field, did you?